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What People Are Saying about The Gift of Loss

"When I received a call from Grace recently, we had not been in contact since my retirement from California State University, Fresno, about ten years earlier. Grace could not have known the circumstances of my own life when she contacted me, although there are those who say that nothing happens coincidentally. The truth is that at the time I was experiencing exactly the kind of situation Grace addresses in The Gift of Loss.

My wonderful husband, Paul, and I had a special marriage for forty-nine years before he was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2001. He lasted eight months with chemo and radiation. Exactly three months after he died, my son David, a healthy, non-smoking forty-five-year old, was also diagnosed with lung cancer. Every doctor he saw during the first weeks-doctors at Sloan Kettering and other famous places-told him there was no hope. Because he and his wife, Makiko, had watched Paul during the dying process, they decided against chemo. I lost both my husband and son within six months.

Makiko and my eighteen-month-old granddaughter, Anna, came to live with me. Eighteen months later, I received a letter from Grace telling me about her book. How did Grace know about the hours and hours Anna's mother and I had pondered the exact questions this book addresses? I had used everything I knew about child development and psychology to do what was best for Anna, but when one's own loved one is the topic, the brain and heart must act together. Those who have experienced this anguish will truly understand the value of this book.

When Anna was three and a half, I experienced a critical moment with her. For many weeks, she had asked me to read and reread a beautiful little book called Lifetimes. It has wonderful illustrations of birds, trees, plants, animals, insects, and people, and its message is very simple: Everything has a beginning and an ending, and in between is what is called a lifetime. Anna had been working over this concept constantly in her little brain. When we would go for a walk, she would ask, 'Does a snake have a lifetime?' Or she would say, 'Nana, you and I are having our lifetimes right now.' At times I would bury the book under a pile of other books, but she would find it and ask me to read and reread it.

I wondered if Anna would ever make the connection with her daddy, but I never made it for her. Makiko and I had agreed long ago to talk with her about her daddy's death only when she brought up the subject, and not before. Well, during the 999th reading, Anna said quietly, 'My daddy had a lifetime, and then he died. And I miss him.' I told her that she was right-that's what happened-and that I miss her daddy too. Later I asked Makiko if she had said anything specific to Anna about David's death, and she said, 'No, I thought you did.' So little Anna figured all this out herself in her own way, and somehow it makes sense to her.

I feel the joy Grace must be experiencing at this major achievement and proud of her excellent presentation of basic child development principles. She presents a principle, explains it, and then illustrates with a cogent, appropriate quotation from Scripture or literature. Her presentation of child development and psychology is wonderfully practical and meaningful. Professionally, it is a privilege to commend this book and publicly praise Grace for her accomplishment. Personally, it is remarkable to realize through these pages my former student, Grace, has reassured me that we are doing the right thing for little Anna.

Doris O. Smith, EdD

"The Gift of Loss is a thoroughly insightful guide written on behalf of infants and children-a straightforward, healthy approach to parenting that will provide children with the security, self-esteem, and self-awareness they need to cope with life's disappointments and losses. A needed alternative to less emotionally engaged parenting styles, this book encourages parents to create a relationship of trust and safety by responding to their children when they yearn to be held, touched, and nurtured. When these children become adults, they will experience loss as a normal part of life from which they can heal because they have learned 'good grieving.' I recommend this lovely work to all parents, caregivers, and those teaching parenting classes.

Jane Lindberg, LCSW
Director of Psychosocial Services/ Grief Therapist
Hind Hospice, Fresno

I am happy to endorse The Gift of Loss. This book deals factually with the stages of child development and teaches parents how to deal with life's losses in a loving manner and with common sense. The discussion on attachment is particularly timely and well presented. A great "how to" book!

Lura J. Reddington, MD
Obstetrics and Gynecology

The Gift Of Loss

Order your copy of The Gift Of Loss today!
paperback-$13.95 ISBN: 0-9744284-5-0

Abiding Books
"He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit." (John 15:5)